Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it hurts more in the daytime
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
