Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize