Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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