She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
