He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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