genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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