Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
