gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
