i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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