You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
