Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
