he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
