Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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