these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
