Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
