You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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