I CAN MOONWALK!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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