Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
please don't ironically join a cult
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