his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
