I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found puke in my bra..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
