I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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