It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
