fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
