i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
