Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would ride that face into the sunset
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
