And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
