No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize