she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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