Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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