he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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