we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
