I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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