I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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