This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
