it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dick has a subreddit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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