and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize