It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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