She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
