she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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