So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
