i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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