he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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