24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
