three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
