put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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