your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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