and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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