The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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