Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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