Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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