I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
