nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
