okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
