the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
