I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
