she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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