You work out of a Hotel?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
