I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
