her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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