I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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