I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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