dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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