Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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