My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
