last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
