I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
