DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
