Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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