My liver just broke up with me...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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