My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
