Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
