You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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