so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
