So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
