areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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